Well,shit

@темы: в жизни всегда есть место подвигу, ich bin der brennande Komet, Встречный ветер, Что это,Отто?!

---

There`s blood on the highway.And a lot of it is mine.

@темы: жизнь - это процесс, а не результат(с), О том,немногом..., Небо будет за нас!

---

I have the coldest hands.

@темы: ich bin der brennande Komet, Полковнику никто не пишет(с), Встречный ветер, Среда обитания

---

Guys,you`re fucked up.I mean,seriously,what the hell?

Панно из яблок с изображением Карла Линнея в деревне Кивик (шведская провинция Сконе).

@темы: ich bin der brennande Komet, Тапочки-мухоморы, Что это,Отто?!

---

Lacoste,dude

@темы: Тапочки-мухоморы, О том,немногом..., Что это,Отто?!

---

I sometime vomit this things out when they crowd me from the inside.I hate it.

My father,you know,he was not a good man,he was not.And I have no right to forgive him,the things he had done,you know,it`s not my thing to do,to forgive him.It would be such a betrayl,I`ll betray the others by doings so,especially my mother.It`s not my duty to forgive him,I do not forgive him,he still has the weight of his sins,but I still love him,I do.I hope it`s okay.I`m not allowed to tell this to anyone,you know,they will be so upset,and it still feels like betrayal.But.He was my father,how can I just not?He never loved my mother and I must be so stupid for assuming he might have at least loved me in his own twisted way,but it`s kind of our family thing,we don`t know how to show our affection,we are afraid to.I must be so naive to believe he felt something,I feel so guilty every damned second for loving him.Al least I had enough strength not to forgive him,`cause thingh he`d done were great,and I don` t mean it a good way.They were truly great,but terrifying.

Never wanted to tell this,but it`s stuck in my head and I can keep this up oh for so long,but it`s still not long enough.Just had to spill my guts out here.
You know,I hate it about myself,but when I start speaking about feelings I have to force words out and I feel dirty all over,like I`m totally not doing the right thing,I have to quit,but I cant `cause sometimes I feel like I`m gonna explode,and a feeling of shame and guilt after writing something like this is still much more familiar and a lot better than a break down,I don`t have time for these and I just can`t do this to the others,they`ll be so worried so upset.I can`t let them down,I`m selfish,and that could be the end of me.




 

@темы: Встречный ветер, Архив тайной полиции, Среда обитания

---

They wanted the highway.They're happy there .

So,I have some stuff to spill about summer and whatnot,but later,you`ll get it all later.
And,hey,I`m starting my highway collection,kind of afraid it`ll take a lot longer then my still unfinished Alabama one.

@темы: Полковнику никто не пишет(с), жизнь - это процесс, а не результат(с), О том,немногом...

---

5.8km

I want to be able to walk in a cafe and ask for "the usual".I understand how selfish it is,but I want to be remembered,at least like that.

@темы: от солидола у них лапки распухают (с), ich bin der brennande Komet, Встречный ветер

---

What,really,how is this even possible?

Rock FM aired 58 songs from my music collection today,some of them from my top ten,and then they put Metallica,twise.
Is it my birthday or something?
So I switched the radio on somwhere near 7:30 and here`s the list till right now:

more

Update:
19:52 Led Zeppelin Whole Lotta Love
19:55 Guns N' Roses Paradise City
20:17 Cream White Room
20:27 Blue Oyster Cult Burnin' For You
21:20 Jethro Tull Aqualung
21:41 T.Rex - Children Of The Revolution
21:38 Ozzy Osbourne - Dreamer
21:34 Creed - My Sacrifice

19:03 Queen We Will Rock You
18:37 Judas Priest Electric Eye
18:28 Dire Straits Heavy Fuel
18:22 Deep Purple Picture Of Innocence
18:06 Bad Company Bad Man
17:53 Gary Moore Cold Day In Hell
17:48 The Troggs Wild Thing
17:32 John Cougar Mellencamp Hurts So Good
17:26 ZZ Top Tush
17:22 Metallica I Disappear
17:19 Creedence Clearwater Revival Bad Moon Rising
17:03 Aerosmith Walk This Way
16:56 T.Rex Jeepster
16:41 Def Leppard Photograph
16:35 Vince Neil Long Cool Woman
16:22 AC/DC Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
16:18 Grateful Dead Casey Jones
16:14 Simple Minds See The Lights
16:01 Motley Crue Dr. Feelgood
15:46 Ozzy Osbourne Perry Mason
14:32 Nazareth Hair Of The Dog
14:17 Pink Floyd Run Like Hell
14:10 The Traveling Wilburys Heading For The Light
14:03 Deep Purple Stormbringer
14:00 Kiss God Gave Rock 'N' Roll To You II
13:50 Aerosmith Jaded
13:43 The Zombies She's Not There (Stereo Version)
13:38 Rainbow Kill The King
12:42 Metallica Frantic
12:33 Asia Heat Of The Moment
12:08 AC/DC Whole Lotta Rosie
11:51 Red Hot Chili Peppers Otherside
11:45 Cactus Long Tall Sally
11:40 Guns N' Roses Welcome To The Jungle
11:22 Ten Years After Going Back To Birmingham
11:11 Deep Purple Strange Kind Of Woman
11:07Motley Crue Wild Side
10:50 Weezer Buddy Holly
10:47 The Doors Light My Fire
10:32 Danger Danger Don't Pull The Plug (Ted Poley)
10:24 Foreigner Too Late
10:21 T.Rex Rock On
10:18 Jimi Hendrix Fire
09:55 Ozzy Osbourne In My Life
09:24 Metallica Enter Sandman
09:16 Steppenwolf Born To Be Wild
08:39 Led Zeppelin D'yer Mak'er
08:19 Billy Squier The Stroke
08:13 Bad Company Dead Of The Night
07:56 AC/DC Are You Ready

@музыка: 95,2 i think you`ve guessed

@темы: Эпично, отдел линейного счастья, жизнь - это процесс, а не результат(с), О том,немногом..., Небо будет за нас!, Что это,Отто?!

---

Richard Siken.Road Music.

Richard Siken
Road music

>1



The eye stretches to the horizon and then must continue up.

Anything past the horizon

is invisible, it can only be imagined. You want to see the future but

you only see the sky. Fluffy clouds.

Look-white fluffy clouds.

Looking back is easy for a while and then looking back gets

murky. There is the road, and there is the story of where the road goes,

which is only a story,

and then there is more road, the roar of the freeway, the roar of the crowd,

the roar of the city sheening across the city.

There should be a place.

At the rest stop, in the restaurant, the overpass, the water's edge¦

There should be a place where we are more than just a narrative.





2



He was not dead yet, not exactly-

parts of him were dead already, certainly other parts were still only waiting

for something to happen, something grand, but it isn't

always about me,

he keeps saying, though he's talking about the only heart he knows-

boys on the bed, strange sheets,

the way the phone rings in the other room

like that, the way it has of ringing ringing…



Inside his head a little music, inside his head a little hum. What he remembers

doesn't make any sense. What he remembers has nothing to do

with us,

or does it? All this circling around inside the darkened rooms inside

those dreams of ours that never get used.





3



He was not dead yet, still though, it isn't about him-

can't articulate what it is he feels or needs, doesn't know

which parts to move or

which ones stack on top of all the other ones. But still,

we wanted the antidote, the answer to the mystery, the problem

solved. All of us trying

to find our way in again, trying to bash in his head to get to the candy.

The small dark rooms inside our heads

still dark, still small-

sheets over chairs, bulbs blown, the windows now open, now shut.



He could build a city. Has a certain capacity. There's a niche in his chest

where a heart would fit perfectly

and the thinks if he could just maneuver one into place-

well then, game over.





4



You wonder what he's thinking when he shivers like that.

What can you tell me, what could you possibly

tell me? Sure, it's good to feel things, and if it hurts, we're doing it

to ourselves, or so the saying goes, but there should be a different music here,

there should be a stand-in.

Something better, something more. There should be just one safe place

in the world, I mean

this world, I'm still talking about this world. People get hurt here. People fall down

and stay down and I don't like the way

the song goes.

You, the moon. You, the road. You, the little flowers

by the side of the road. You keep singing along to that song I hate. Stop singing.





5



Suppose for a moment that the heart has two heads,

that the heart has been chained and dunked in a glass booth

filled with river water.

The heart is monologing about hesitation and fulfillment

while behind the red brocade the heart is drowning.

Can the heart escape? Does love even care? Should we stand here

or jump in the water?

Sure, he put himself in the box, but he wouldn't have if we weren't watching.

This stunt, this heroic display of showmanship for the home team-

He puts himself in the box

and there's nothing in the box but him, him and maybe hope.

Snow falls on the water as we dump the booth in the bay.



Suppose for a moment we are crowded around a pier,

waiting for something to ripple the water.

We believe in you. There is no danger. It is not getting dark,
we want to say.

@темы: кому не нужен ломтик июльского неба-подарите(с), Полковнику никто не пишет(с), О том,немногом...

---

Dying here,literally

aadfhgjkl;'zxtrdctfvbanwo8t9esjdfkyghlpj;k!!!
So,yesterday my usual nonbullshit self swaggers herself into Crocus City and what the flaming fuck?! it`s all like my birthday and christmas and the fucking second coming just right there,that fucking instant.Because,you know what,(oh,poor little thingies,you`re never gonna guess,aren`t you?)so,you see,it`s fucking Chevrolet fucking Impala right there.
And I`m like dead,than resurrected and dead again.And,sweet lord,the next second I`m all over that car,like all over.And there are all these people staring,but I don`t fucking care,`cause that car is kind of a dream of my whole life,guilty pleasure,if you like.(It was actually a `69 instead of a `67 and a two-door,but that`s not the point,they are both fourth generation,so they look nearly the same.)Sooo,I`m like all over her(yeah,guys,she`s a she) and I`m considering putting a tent next to it and living there for the rest of my life,and than that guard starts asking me questions.Like he just had to ruin it.So I tell him to fuck off,`cause that car is like the love of my life and I`d sooner end myself than treat her wrong.And he`s like oh,I see,so I`d better leave you two,you won`t try to steal it,right?And I`m like jeez,I`ll have to hotwire her if I want to steal her and it means harm,so,newsflash,I totally won`t.And he`s like yeah,fine,whatever,and is ready to go away and in a fit of insanity(wholly justified) I ask him if I can open the hood.And,wow,he brings the keys.So I stare at the engine for the whole five minutes and than start rambling on about the characteristics and horse power(275,oh my,that`s just,gosh)and shit,and the guy listens and is like surprised or something.So in the end I`m allowed to spoon the car for nearly and hour or so.
She`s not just a car,she`s the car. And this shit is terrifying. `Cause I love that car too much,like strong enough for it to be scary.


P.S.
And,hey,here`s the song of the week:

@темы: в жизни всегда есть место подвигу, Эпично, отдел линейного счастья, О том,немногом..., Небо будет за нас!

---

As expected.

You get that things are really shitty when even pie makes you want to throw up.Even the friggin` pie.

@темы: от солидола у них лапки распухают (с), жизнь - это процесс, а не результат(с), Встречный ветер, Среда обитания

---

I`ve already been told that I have emotional maturity of a fetus,no need to repeat

Oookay,I`ll never-ever gonna open my laptop drunk again,like never.I won`t delete that piece of crap over there,but I don`t really want to hear any more bullshit like that,`specially from myself.Guys,I hate feelings-talk,just don`t know what`d gotten in me that time exept for beer and whiskey.And,okay,I`m sorry for my drunken self being a whiny bitch,but no way in hell am I sorry for your fucked inside-out brain,that,actually,me likey.So that`s all with the explanation,my hang over is still raging on,which is a surprise,take care.(Huge-ass exam tomorrow,no shit.)

@темы: от солидола у них лапки распухают (с), Эпично, жизнь - это процесс, а не результат(с), Тапочки-мухоморы, Что это,Отто?!, Среда обитания

---

The shit kind of just hit the fan,didn't it?I think it did.That was pointless,ahem

Whoops,sorry,just understood that you might get it all wrong.No way am I trying to tell you that I don't want to know you anymore,I do.It's just that I don't want you to be hurt over me,and in that field I'm a fucking uber pro.So,just think about it,I mean if you need it,it's on your own risk.
I sound like an idjit,don't I?Well,fuck,I kind of totally do.
I need to sleep it off,whaddayathink?
Hell,who am I talking to after all,myself?Weird,ten kinds of weird.

@темы: жизнь - это процесс, а не результат(с), Тапочки-мухоморы, Встречный ветер, Что это,Отто?!

---

I`ll probably hate myself for this in the morning,but I'd never say this shit sober

You are better off without me.I tried my best,which is not good at all,and I am so sorry.I didn`t want to tell this,but I just have to.You need to know that I`m really sorry,I`m such am awful person and I`m so not fucking worth of anything;if not for my mother,I`d be better off dead,so I`m here just because she is.And I`m sorry I made you believe I`m something good sometimes,I`m sorry I maybe made you need me.I`m sorry for everything you had to come through because of me.I do hope you can get over it,I hope you have already gotten over it.And it`s the first time I have desent wi-fi in weeks and I`m drunk as shit and I hate myself fiercely and I don`t really try to make you forgive me or anything,I`m just that stupid sometimes and I never was as strong as I pretended to be and there is so much shit happening right now and I have my duties and responsibilities and I just can`t fuck up `cause I`m just holding this all together somehow and I don`t know who to thank for that `cause it`s never me.And hell if I make any sence right now and it`s just weird like that,but the main point of this all was to apologise anyway,so again,I`m sorry for being a dick, I`m just too dumb sometimes and I hurt peple all the time and just don`t know how to stop `cause I can seem like a redneck like that but that`s how I show my affection and sympathy,that`s how I roll,I just don`t know any other way to show that I care.And for my family I care much,they`re my whole meaning,that`s kind of my job to take care of all of them in every way I can.And I'm still a jerk but a jerk with a martyr complex the size of texas,which is so much worse.Fuck,it`s gettin` really hard to concentrate,so.You were like family to me,you really were.But you know,I fuck up so much,I fuck up all the time,and I haven`t heard you voise in like forever and you`ll be better without me, `cause I`d better not drag people in the mess that is my family.`cause I don`t want this for you,so I`m sorry,but you better run,befre I`ll make it even worse.I`m really sorry

@темы: жизнь - это процесс, а не результат(с), Тапочки-мухоморы, Встречный ветер, Что это,Отто?!

---

Fuck you,okay.Just fuck you.
Really,why can`t I stop caring.
Because there is my family and for them I`m ready to kill and to get killed.
But who the fuck are you?Why should I care?

@темы: от солидола у них лапки распухают (с), жизнь - это процесс, а не результат(с), Встречный ветер, Архив тайной полиции

---

Just this.So true.

@темы: жизнь - это процесс, а не результат(с), Яволь!!!, О том,немногом...

---

Jesus,I`m,like,living on caffeine or something.I haven`t slept in,what-27 hours?Gosh

@темы: Эпично, О том,немногом...

---

11.02.2012 в 19:28

Пишет  supertoys:

@темы: Что это,Отто?!

---

Why can`t life be a never ending roadtrip?

@темы: жизнь - это процесс, а не результат(с), Встречный ветер, О том,немногом...